Exposed

I know a girl, we will call her Zoe. She had a boyfriend she dated for over a year. During their time together she had taken photos of herself only meant for his eyes.
When the relationship ended he was left feeling angry and bitter, so he sent these photos to one of her professors. For those of you unaware, this is not taken lightly at Universities. Zoe was reported to the academic Dean. The ripples of this action she could not stop. She was called in to the Dean’s office and had to explain how these photos were sent to her professor, she had to explain to her parents why the Dean’s office was calling the house. And after all this she still had to still go and sit in that class in front of that professor. Each part of the story she had to tell all the facts she never wanted anyone to know about. She had to look at those starring eyes, eyes that she could not hide from. She wanted to cover up, but she had been exposed, she had nowhere to hide.

As a young boy I was told the day of judgement would go like this; I would be led to this place and a chair would be there. I would then sit down and have to watch the movie of my life, everyone I knew would be there watching. I would have to watch every detail, every moment I had tried to forget, every moment I have tried to cover up, everyone moment I had spent my entire life trying to cover up. But the veil finally came off and then I was exposed. I was left standing there, nothing to hide behind, just like Zoe.

In those thoughts I wonder if anyone could even accept me, I have already decided no one could love me. I am standing there, just like Zoe exposed and ashamed. You know the feeling; you know this feeling I am talking about. Whether it has come when you have had to confess what you have done, or have been caught in an act. Or maybe this feeling comes when you are with a significant other who is ashamed to be with you. Or maybe you have put yourself on the line; have tried and failed for everyone to see. We all know what it is like to be standing there.

"I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." Isaiah 61:10

When God speaks such words how can I not be drawn to Jesus?  Zoe’s story is our story. Zoe’s story is Jesus’ story.  It’s why we are drawn to the cross, why we can be with someone who knows our shame and who can take away our shame. After all, who wants to be left standing there?

She was exposed for all to see. All eyes focused on a photo never meant for them.

It was the day before my 7th birthday, there was a block garage sale going on. There was so many places to go, so many interesting things to see. I had never seen so much wonderful things before. The weekend before my grandpa had given me a whole 5 dollars, 5 dollars! Through the exploring I came across a Pog set, do you remember? Different types of slammers, putting your Pogs on the line with the hopes you would beat your friends. Someone was selling all their Pogs and slammers and a Pog board for 5 dollars! I couldn’t resist, I went and found my Mom and asked if I could get it. She said no, it was special money and I should save it for something better. But I couldn’t resist, I went against my Mom and bought that beautiful Pog set. Later that night I could be found locked in the bathroom crying, feeling shame because I had gone against my Mom and used Grandpa’s money poorly. You may laugh at this story, or think big deal, 5 dollars. But it’s a story that defined who I am. I laugh about it but a part of me still feels a tinge of shame. It’s amazing how that feeling can stay with us.

But there comes Jesus, seeing everything I have done, I am standing there bare before him, lying in a corner or a room trying to hide. He takes off his robe and gives it to me. He has already taken my shame.

I run into a room wanting to hide and be by myself, I know no one could love me now, let alone accept me. Jesus comes walking in and there I am in the corner of a dark room. Asks if he can be with me, gives me a robe and then takes me out back into the crowd. He is proud to be seen with me, He introduces me as his child. All my shame has disappeared I am no longer standing there exposed.

Mark 3:13-19

This passage describes the time when Jesus hand selected a team of twelve men who he gave the title of apostle. Jesus desired to spend time with his apostles, to be in community with a trusted group of confidants and like-minded friends. He also wanted to pass on his heart for lost and hurting people. I imagine he had a lot of hope and excitement in what this inner circle could do to advance the good news he came to proclaim.

The passage goes on to name the twelve that Jesus called. As I read this list of names I imagine a sports team, maybe hockey or basketball, where each player is announced as they take the ice or the court. You can feel the cheers as Peter, “The Rock,” takes his place. Here come James and John, “The Sons of Thunder.” Who wouldn’t get amp’d up knowing you had the Sons of Thunder on your team. Now Andrew, Philip, Bart, Matthew, and Thomas take their place. The arena is electric as Jesus closest team mates take their places around him. Thad is announced, James of Alphaeus, Simon the Zealot and finally Judas, “The Betrayer.” Huh!?

In my mind, maybe yours too, the mention of Judas is like a bucket of cold water in the face in light of all the other big-star apostles. As I read this passage a couple of times, I kept getting stuck on Judas. I realized that my heart felt sadness every time I read his name in the list of the all-stars. It dawned on me that I experience this passage from my side of history; I read this with the knowledge of what Judas did. When I mentally transport myself back to the moment that Jesus called and named the twelve apostles, it changes something. Judas in that moment was not Judas the betrayer; he was just Judas... and not only just Judas, but a man that Jesus believed in enough to call him into his closest community of friends. I wonder what must have been going through Judas’ mind as Jesus called him. What a rush. What an honour. Can you imagine being personally invited into Jesus inner circle? How exciting to be singled out and chosen personally by Jesus.

I can’t help but think that Jesus had every hope and belief in Judas when he invited him as one of the twelve. I also can’t help but believe that Jesus knew exactly how Judas would betray him one day. The sting of betrayal had to be exponentially more painful for Jesus because he trusted and believed in Judas enough to call him a friend and apostle.

Today I’m thinking of how often I am like Judas; how often I betray Jesus with my divided allegiance, how I desire to be so close to Jesus and how often I fight his leadership and betray his companionship. I’m also thinking about how guarded I am; how quickly I reject those who have betrayed me and how much energy I spend protecting myself from getting hurt again. I wonder if I can give myself permission to believe in people the way Jesus believed in Judas. Today I’m grateful to be reminded of Jesus unending gift of forgiveness, his graciousness, and his belief in me, a modern-day Judas.

The Temptations of Power

In getting ready to speak this weekend I came across a this name a couple times: Vaclav Havel. I think I've heard his name before, but after I reading the speech linked here, he's a new favorite. Give it a read. I bet you'll say the same thing.

Havel writes about the dark, seductive side of power. His primary application is politics, but if you allow it, I think his message will speak into any arena.

www.cs.utexas.edu/~vl/notes/havel.html

Those of us who lead others - who parent, coach, teach, whatever - generally start with a good motive for doing so. But Havel thinks we're always influenced by a second need. That need is to convince ourselves that we're significant. If we lack self awareness we won't know this motivation is there, and if we're not careful, the second need will overtake the first.

I've been thinking a lot about this in the last couple of days. Thinking about my own multiple motivations for leading like I do. This stuff messes with a person. Thanks God for the example of Jesus, who did not come to be served, but to serve. Who emptied Himself of His power and died on the cross for me, and gave me supreme example of what power ought to look like. Jesus shows what power is for: Giving...loving...serving.

He humbled Himself and died for you. That's where your assurance is supposed to come from.

The Father delights in me, this I know. I hope you do too.